Quotes

Sometimes I need some inspiration.  Other times I need some comedic relief.  I’ve posted some of my favourite inspirational and comedic gems here for your pleasure as well.

Attributions and explanations have been included where possible or necessary.

“Herschel Monteagle and Faraday
lakeland rockland and hill country
a little adjacent to where the world is
a little north of where the cities are and
sometime
we may go back there
to the country of our defeat
Wollaston Elzevir and Dungannon
and Weslemkoon lake land
where the high townships of Cashel
McClure and Marmora once were —

But it’s been a long time since
and we must enquire the way
of strangers –“

– Al Purdy’s The Country North of Belleville (1965)

“What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow? – What do you mean? An African or European swallow?”

– Monty Python and the Holy Grail

“I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries…I wave my private parts at your aunties you cheeky lot of second-handed electric donkey bottom biters.”

– Monty Python and the Holy Grail

“We will either find a way, or make one.”

– Hannibal Barca, Carthaginian general who led an army across the Alps to attack Rome

“Bears. Beets. Battlestar Gallactica.”

– Jim Halpert as Dwight K. Schrute on The Office

“We all can be only who we are, no more, no less.”

– Kahlan Amnell from Terry Goodkind’s Sword of Truth series

“I discovered at a very young age that if I talk long enough, I can make anything right or wrong. So, either I’m God or truth is relative. In either case: BOOYAH!”

– Jeff Winger from Community

“You see Jeff, there are certain things man was not meant to hear. We were designed by…whatever entity you choose…to hear what’s in this range, and really, this range alone. ‘Cause you know who’s talking to us in this range? The people we love.”

– Pierce Hawthorne from Community

“You only need two tools in life – WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn’t move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn’t move and does, use the duct tape.”

“I’ve got to ask you about The Penis Mightier” / “That’s ‘The Pen Is Mightier’ Mr. Connery.” / “Dussy it up however you want Trebek. What matters is, does it work? Will it really mighty my penis-man? ‘Cause I’ve purchased this kind of thing before, I’m not afraid to tell you, and if it really works I’ll take a dozen!”

– Sean Connery andAlex Trebek’s classic exchange on SNL’s Celebrity Jeopardy

“[Being stupid] is no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid and it makes me sad.”

“I prefer to let George Lucas disappoint me in the order he intended.”

“Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock.”

– Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory

“Don’t be sorry, just be smarter.”

– My high school gym teacher/rugby coach

“You can’t fix stupid.”

-Ron ‘Tater Salad’ White

“History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again.”

– Maya Angelou

“Confront them with annihilation, and they will then survive; plunge them into a deadly situation, and they will then live. When people fall into danger, they are then able to strive for victory.”

“For to win one hundred victories in one hundred battles is not the acme of skill. To subdue the enemy without fighting is the acme of skill. “

“If you know the enemy and know yourself you need not fear the results of a hundred battles. “

– Sun Tzu, author of The Art of War

“Come Tuesdays for trivia night.  Come every other night because we still serve beer.”

– Bar advertisement

“This is my theory: Rick’s is the official religion of Western. Every week we gather as he sings the traditional songs of our people. He is elevated to god-like status (with good reason) and we worship the ground he walks on. Saying you’ve never been is like telling someone in the bible belt that you’ve never been to church.”

– Micaela Collins, on the phenomenon that is Rick McGhie

“You live only once, but if you do it right once is enough.”

– Mae West

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